The book blurb of the week comes from “Mother Shock: Loving Every (Other) Minute of it” by Andrea Buchanan. So far its sort of a telling of her experiences but also embodies her interpretations of how she imagines motherhood should be and her wake-up call.
So far, throughout all my research and pondering, it has led only to more questions, and my wanting to know more answers. Until now. I know that sounds dramatic… what can I say, I’m the youngest . But in all seriousness, one paragraph in this book has helped me understand more than anything else so far. The author begins with this “… I had so many questions about what mothering would be like: What does it mean to love as a mother? Is it all selfless sacrifice, giving until you have nothing left? Or is it enough just to love and have a little of yourself left over? Is it food on the table every night, doing something special for your child’s birthday, leaving little notes in her lunchbox? Or is just being there enough, giving your baby a roof over her head and clean sheets beneath her as she sleeps? Would I fall in love with my baby at first sight the way I’d heard I should? What if I didn’t? What if I couldn’t? What if I loved her but she couldn’t love me?” Right away I can relate to this rant… most women can. They are common queries; things I’m trying to discover on my journey. If only I could get even a few of the answers I’m looking for…
She goes on.. “The most troubling part of all those questions was that until my own child was born, I could answer them only as a daughter. The deeper Question of how I would be as a mother could not fully be answered until I already was one… living through those questions.” Immediately I felt as if I was told the secret to it all. She calls it the “troubling part”, however I found what she said incredibly comforting. I realized, whether I got the answers I’m looking for or not, it doesn’t matter. I can only digest them as a daughter to a mother. There is no way I can ever fully understand the complexities of motherhood and parenthood without first becoming one. Even when anyone tries to describe it all, each of our opinions and experiences will vary because we have all been shaped differently due to our unique experiences being daughters. It boils right down to psychology. Each person’s choices, when they become a parent, is directly influenced by their own experiences, either good or bad. Of course! It’s so simple and obvious! And now I feel this sense of freedom… a million pounds lighter.. accepting that its ok and I dont have to have a Master’s degree in “Piece as a mom” before it happens. The simple fact is that its impossible.
Since this epiphany I have begun to really enjoy the discoveries of my readings, instead of frantically skimming books looking only for the topics I wanted.. like a clock was ticking away. As some of you know, I can be a little obsessive at times, and this was like a warm cup of green tea, settling my appetite.