Project: Parenthood

For the past few weeks I have been having an inner battle with what to do with this blog. Back and worth, keep it or delete it…. well now its time to decide. But first, let me weight both sides…

Keep: I have always been good at sharing whats on my mind and those of you who know me will probably agree. So many times I felt better sharing what was on my mind. It was so awesome to have this as an outlet during my pregnancy and a way to share my progress with friends and family on a regular basis. I really enjoy going back and reading past posts. I love the idea of having my experiences as a new mother well documented and a big part of me says “shame on you for considering stopping!”. I’m afraid I will wish I kept going. Pickle is growing up so fast and my daily time with him is limited. I would be so happy to keep it going and a year from now look back on he little things I wrote about him when he was 5 months old. Its like my ’1 Line A Day’ journal I keep. I’m on the 3rd year and I LOVE reading what happened the past 2 years on that same day. Craigery and I both enjoy that. And, lastly, this is my therapy…

Delete: Sharing whats on my mind is good, but I sometimes have a problem separating my personal frustrations with what this blog is supposed to be about. I like the idea of sharing my journey with family and friends, but honestly many of them are not interested. They want me to CALL. They don’t care to be tech savvy and don’t know the first thing about even following a blog. (I think I might get some flack from that statement). And maybe more of them than I know follow, but they sure don’t say anything about it or they may mention a post months after I have written it. But who am I doing this for? Them? Me? A little of both I guess. What about Pickle? There are times when I think ‘why are you going to spend time at the computer blogging about his life, just live it!’ It makes me cry to think this. The time it takes is hard to set aside. I like to think it doesn’t take long or that I can do it when he is napping or after he goes to bed… but I just don’t know. I seem to have other things I would rather do than post all the time or I would’ve written that birth story I promised

In a nut shell, I want to. Badly. But does anyone really care/follow? Do I want to make the time? I know what Craigery would say: Delete it. If I did, then I feel like its another connection to my baby that I have severed.

I have a problem with wanting it all… and I need a solution

There is a poll about what I should do. Cast your votes, people.

~Piece

Monday I went with the girls from the breastfeeding support group to the mommy me showing of Twilight! It was so fun! I really enjoyed seeing all the moms babies there! And there was hardly any crying! Pickle did excellent. I bfed there, he watched some, and slept the rest! Wish I could go more.

Wednesday was my last bf support group at UCLA. Ive met some awesome moms and have learned an incredible amount. Pictured is my Lactation Consultant, Christy. She has been so much more than breastfeeding support to me, and the other girls. I appreciate her so much. Now Vee will be going every week. I’m happy for her, but also a little sad envious.

Of course, thanksgiving was this week. I made food on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. My sister helped as did Kathy, my step mom. We made my grandmas recipes. It makes us feel close to her .

Friday morning, my sis I went out black Friday shopping after Levis night feeding. We stopped at Starbucks, best buy, Carters. We got some excellent deals and it wasn’t very crowded. My fluffy mail came too! Contained 4 bumgenius diapers in the new sassy mirror colors! My 2 free diapers were Kawaii Baby in orange and an adorable safari print! Loving them! Better than my Happy Heiny ones so far. On Friday, Levi got to meet his great aunt finally, and got some time in the bumbo. Not fully ready for it though.

On Sunday I got all his things ready for daycare. Ill make that a separate post later. All in all, it was an emotion filled week.

Piece

Monday started off with a bang! Pickle turned 3 months old! He weighs in at 15 lbs and fits 3-6 month clothes quite well. I had my apt with the endocrinologist for my PCOS. Blood work all looked good and doc doesnt want to see me for 6 months! Also, perhaps more notably…. Vee went into labor! After being 10 days overdue we were all ready for baby boy to arrive. On Tuesday morning, baby Connor was born! Momma and baby are doing great! These pics are from our visit to the hospital. A big congrats to them!

I also broke out the tummy time activity gym for the first time! It was a suggestion by @ekwetzel and I thank her! Not sure why I didnt realize that now Levi was probably advanced enough to really enjoy it. Im happy to say we got some successful tummy time full of smiles! Thank you crinkly cabbage that is also a mirror!

Friday was our practice day at the daycare. I was really looking forward to this calming my overwhelming emotion about returning to work on Nov. 28th. It did help a lot. Pickle did well there! Craigery came with, we met Miss Jennifer who will be Levis primary caregiver. She is a very sweet girl and was great with him. I stayed and nursed him, played with him, asked my questions. Pictured is my check list of things I need to bring for them to keep there.

As holiday season is approaching, my crafts are growing. Im working hard to minimize my stash of fabric and yarn. I have about 20 bibs cut and ready to sew for my etsy shop. I also have a couple of hats to crochet before Xmas. Better get busy!

Ps. I know what your thinking: wheres the birth story? -Im working on it

Piece

Well, well, well… welcome back… as you all know, I had the baby! Haha! I hope you can excuse my long absence from the blog as our baby boy has kept me quite busy. I intended my first post back to be the birth story, but I have been kidding myself thinking it would be so easy to just sit right down when the baby is napping and write that story. Nope. So, I thought, why not make it easy on myself and write something… the birth story will take a few days to type up but I am happy to say I used a few late night nursing sessions to dictate it all on my phone before the details got fuzzy.

Today, I want to talk about the other side. Oh how different it is. Not in a bad way… on the contrary… it feels wonderful. It feels exclusive. I hope you can follow this train of thought and imagine what I mean. I feel like there is a secret I’ve been let in on. Something I could not have ever understood before. Even if it was described to me. And yet there is nothing to describe. I cannot say what that secret is. It isn’t anything and yet it’s everything. Somehow everything is different even in the things that are the same, like I’ve been enlightened and I’m on the other side. Honestly, it’s something anyone childless could never understand, but I don’t mean that negatively. I just suddenly feel like I know every other mother in the world. We are connected and she knows me just as well. Even more specifically, I mean the new mom with newborns on up to toddlers. There is something different about them than moms with older children… even if the newborn is not their first child. I feel a special connection to them. When we look into each other’s eyes, I feel Im saying “I know” and they say the same to me.

The older moms… including our moms… are excited you’ve joined the club. Hmm.. that thought makes me smile. That’s how it feels. They cannot wait to tell you all they discovered when they reached the other side. Yet they are torn because they know you need this time to find your own way. Its like they waited their whole lives to be connected with you like this. What I have to say is that im grateful for their knowledge. I listen, but also I need to learn, and to make my own discoveries. I love seeing them smile at me as I make my way through the early days of a lifetime of motherhood.

Next, the love all parents describe. I was most curious about this. I have a hard time believing I could love someone more than I love my Craigery. But, every parent says there is no way to understand until you have your own. Well, now that I’m on the other side, I would like to describe this feeling a little differently. It’s a need. As soon as Pickle was born, he became a primal need. Exactly like the need to eat, drink, breathe and live. I needed this child. My world would perish without him the same as if I starved from lack of food. I believe there is nothing else in the world that can become a need the way a child can. The love was not instant. The love comes from the relationship we will, and do, have between the 2 of us. That love is different from any other, but also different for each person. All relationships between 2 people are different, even between the 2 involved. It would be impossible for me to describe the relationship and love Pickle and I share, but I can agree its different.

I know you are all thinking this was all a bit deep or serious or whatever. But, I would say its powerful.

BTW, This is exactly how I typed up this entire post. Shouldve wore my ring sling :/

As a note, I am not describing any specific mom or yet to be. Just the general of the moms I have encountered in my life .

~Piece

Week 35 started off with a bang! Sat was my shower! I got to go out with Bobpuin in the morning while it was being setup. We went to the mall, I got a new shirt for the shower, and we saw “Crazy Stupid Love”~ it was good…. a “dramedy” but it was longer than I thought and we were late getting back to the house for the shower. I must say, all involved did a wonderful job! My sister Leah… Ferrah, Vee, Mini! My step-mom Kathy! Everyone! My mom flew out from Florida too which was a nice surprise. We are not very close so it was quite a gesture for her to want to be there. She said she had been planning it for months

AND…. best of all…. was the generosity! I cant believe how wonderful people were! I was so worried… and warned by others… that most of what I would get is clothes… the cutest clothes ever… but clothes none-the-less. Well I am on cloud 9 because I got all needs! There wasn’t a thing to take back! Actually, I took back a pack-n-play cause I had 3… but that was my fault… I had bought one 2 months ago . All in all, it was awesome! Food was good! Mini bundt cakes for dessert! Games! Prizes! And everyone decorated quilt squares for a quilt Ferrah and Vee are sewing for baby! Great idea! Below are some pictures!

Also, it was my last week of work! I’m so glad it was because I was really starting to get uncomfortable! It went by fast and with little stress. On Friday, me and the work friends went out to lunch to my favorite burger joint “The Counter”. Near the end of the day, I got a surprise of a lifetime! Bobpuin had put a send off together for me! She got a delicious chocolate/raspberry cake and got the studio together to give me a nice send off! They all clapped for me and wished me well… I love where I work. I told them all thanks for always having really nice things to say to me and that I would be back with baby boy on Halloween to win the costume contest! It was awesome. She even made up a card for me for people to sign and draw. I work with so many talented people

(my last day of work)

Lastly, at my apt Dr. Petite examined me and said I had not yet begun to dilate, even though I had lost quite a bit of mucus including the plug. She pretty much told me baby is full term and I could labor anytime now and all would be safe. She also said at 39 weeks we would be discussing induction or c-section because the baby’s size. They don’t intend to let me go late at all and I think we all hope Pickle is a little early, actually. We will have to wait and see…

~Piece  PS. get those guesses in! Yes you can change yours if you want!