Project: Parenthood

Hello! I finished some things! Most exciting is the sleep sack I made for Pickle! This is Mama~Do item #B. I based it on a sleep sack I bought from Babysteals.com. Its from babylicious and I love it! Its so soft and cozy inside! Of course, when it arrived, I said “I can make one of those”.

I did find a tutorial via Pinterest that helped fill in the gaps. This one!

So…. how did it come out??? Awesome! I can tell you how good it felt to finish something! I have had that fabric from jo-anns for a while too and I really wanted to use it! Of course, I feel like the cold nights are almost behind us and I only hope he gets use out of it . Photos below!

Know what else?? I finished Item #AM & AZ too! My obsessive behavior made these 2 come together . I started switching the clothes out and had to re-organize his drawers, closet, and undercrib storage. What was another hour to go through my saved baby clothes? Might as well. Thought now that I’m thinking…. I should made sure I put all his name labels on the 18M clothes (item #I) while I was doing this. Oh well .

Helping mama ^_^

Saved faves!

BTW, if you didnt know, The clothes I am saving are mostly going to a quilt I plan to make once Pickle is 1 year. I want to use my faves for his first whole year! I guess I better add that to the list…

~Piece

I think I thought of a solution… with the help of my pregnant coworker, Craigery, and Adam Carolla. How did these 3 very different things lead me to what I hope is satisfaction and balance?

Lets back up. This really hit me when I was talking to Craigery about my last post… about my old self. He said: “Whats the difference? All the things you did and liked to do before were never ending. You just did a little all the time. There was no end. Isn’t that how it is now?”. He’s right. Why is this really plaguing me? What was I before that I’m not now? Its so hard to describe in words.

One day while listening to Adam Carolla, whom I love (I KNOW you hate him Farrah!), he was talking about working on his book. How daunting it is to have this massive goal that seems never ending. He said they decided to chip away at it. Little. Tiny. Bits. Whenever he had any time at all, they worked on it. And before you knew it, he was done! He stopped putting it off. I really liked that message and was nodding to myself while drawing at my work station.

I liked his idea. It spoke to me and I wasn’t sure why. But I wanted to apply it to my life somehow. Lastly, venting to my friend Jeanne at work, I realized what was wrong. Why Ive been missing the old me and trying to reinvent and blah blah blah. I had unfinished business. Going back to everything Craigery said too. All these things I loved to do, I had all the time in the world to dottle and take my time. Doing them or not doing them was my choice. How much, how little, you get the point. But here I am on the other side of motherhood and I realize I haven’t had my fill. That’s what’s wrong. Nothing ever got finished. I cant tell you how many half sewed bibs and partly crocheted blankets, scarves, and hats I have! I am the epitome of hobby failure. In that moment, Jeanne said “Maybe you should make a list” at the same time I could hear Adam Carolla’s nasally drone telling me to chip away at my tasks at hand. And the Mama~Do List was created.

Oh yeah, a list … really profound stuff, right? Well for me yes! I never had a “list” for my hobbies. I just did them. But now I realize that my time is precious and limited. And I would really enjoy feeling accomplished. Check out the list! Its in the top bar!

So, I will be documenting my progress on my Mama~Do List. Follow along as I find balance from my old self to new… and some pride in actually finishing something!

Piece

Whats wrong with me? I’m conflicted. And it seems to come up every few days… leading to a nearly midnight meltdown.

Some days, the new life, post-baby, is awesome! I feel great about everything. I feel like I’m getting into a groove. Pickle is sleeping almost through the night, my breastfeeding is going well, pumping is low stress, and I’m getting to work/daycare almost on time. I say almost because you all know its damn near impossible for me to be 100% on time. I’m just overjoyed with him and I even enjoy doing all the chores for him! Bath time, laundry, feeding, diaper changing… you name it, its awesome.

And then the “me” of myself starts to wiggle in. Everything is so great, now I can start to find some time to be my old self. My old self? A busy body. Always thirsty to do more, see more, learn more, make more, buy more, … just be more. The problem is, there is no amount of time that would feel like enough to a girl who always must be more. Before I was mama, I was ‘girl of a thousand hobbies’, so cleverly labeled by Craigery. Before, whatever time I dedicated to something was exactly how much I got out of it. I didn’t have to prioritize in order to feel fulfilled. I had time to do a little of everything, and I did. Now I have a little time to do everything, which doesn’t work at all. And then I’m frozen, defeated, lost. I’m told I need to accept this new life. I do. 100%. But I cant change who I am. I was a girl who wanted it all. Right now I’m a mama who cant do any of it. How do I become a mama who has tastes of it. How can I find balance? And don’t get me wrong, its not about Pickle. This would happen with any life changing situation. Its about me and finding a balance between my old self, and new. This has been much harder than adjusting to being a mama. The challenge is reinventing how to be myself.

So the consensus is: Keep. Except from Craigery like I predicted . I know he just doesnt like how much I put on my plate. Anyway, I think I am over thinking this whole thing. In my head, I make blog posts out to be these long and time consuming things instead of cool and casual. So Im gonna relax about it. Hello again, and here is whats up lately.

Pickle turned 6 months on Valentines day. OMG. Yet he seams so much younger than that to me. He isn’t anything like what I expected a 6 month old to be like… but there I go with my dreaded issue of expecting things. It’s my nemesis. He doesn’t roll. I’m pretty sure most of you have heard my fretting about him not rolling, but I am worried it’s getting to the line of “not meeting milestones” and could be a problem. He has his 6 month apt tomorrow so we will see what the doc has to say about it all. I WILL say that he is above average in his social growth and babbles all the time! Gee… I wonder where he gets that from…

That’s enough for now. Easy peasy

~PieceOLease

For the past few weeks I have been having an inner battle with what to do with this blog. Back and worth, keep it or delete it…. well now its time to decide. But first, let me weight both sides…

Keep: I have always been good at sharing whats on my mind and those of you who know me will probably agree. So many times I felt better sharing what was on my mind. It was so awesome to have this as an outlet during my pregnancy and a way to share my progress with friends and family on a regular basis. I really enjoy going back and reading past posts. I love the idea of having my experiences as a new mother well documented and a big part of me says “shame on you for considering stopping!”. I’m afraid I will wish I kept going. Pickle is growing up so fast and my daily time with him is limited. I would be so happy to keep it going and a year from now look back on he little things I wrote about him when he was 5 months old. Its like my ’1 Line A Day’ journal I keep. I’m on the 3rd year and I LOVE reading what happened the past 2 years on that same day. Craigery and I both enjoy that. And, lastly, this is my therapy…

Delete: Sharing whats on my mind is good, but I sometimes have a problem separating my personal frustrations with what this blog is supposed to be about. I like the idea of sharing my journey with family and friends, but honestly many of them are not interested. They want me to CALL. They don’t care to be tech savvy and don’t know the first thing about even following a blog. (I think I might get some flack from that statement). And maybe more of them than I know follow, but they sure don’t say anything about it or they may mention a post months after I have written it. But who am I doing this for? Them? Me? A little of both I guess. What about Pickle? There are times when I think ‘why are you going to spend time at the computer blogging about his life, just live it!’ It makes me cry to think this. The time it takes is hard to set aside. I like to think it doesn’t take long or that I can do it when he is napping or after he goes to bed… but I just don’t know. I seem to have other things I would rather do than post all the time or I would’ve written that birth story I promised

In a nut shell, I want to. Badly. But does anyone really care/follow? Do I want to make the time? I know what Craigery would say: Delete it. If I did, then I feel like its another connection to my baby that I have severed.

I have a problem with wanting it all… and I need a solution

There is a poll about what I should do. Cast your votes, people.

~Piece