Well, well, well… welcome back… as you all know, I had the baby! Haha! I hope you can excuse my long absence from the blog as our baby boy has kept me quite busy. I intended my first post back to be the birth story, but I have been kidding myself thinking it would be so easy to just sit right down when the baby is napping and write that story. Nope. So, I thought, why not make it easy on myself and write something… the birth story will take a few days to type up but I am happy to say I used a few late night nursing sessions to dictate it all on my phone before the details got fuzzy.
Today, I want to talk about the other side. Oh how different it is. Not in a bad way… on the contrary… it feels wonderful. It feels exclusive. I hope you can follow this train of thought and imagine what I mean. I feel like there is a secret I’ve been let in on. Something I could not have ever understood before. Even if it was described to me. And yet there is nothing to describe. I cannot say what that secret is. It isn’t anything and yet it’s everything. Somehow everything is different even in the things that are the same, like I’ve been enlightened and I’m on the other side. Honestly, it’s something anyone childless could never understand, but I don’t mean that negatively. I just suddenly feel like I know every other mother in the world. We are connected and she knows me just as well. Even more specifically, I mean the new mom with newborns on up to toddlers. There is something different about them than moms with older children… even if the newborn is not their first child. I feel a special connection to them. When we look into each other’s eyes, I feel Im saying “I know” and they say the same to me.
The older moms… including our moms… are excited you’ve joined the club. Hmm.. that thought makes me smile. That’s how it feels. They cannot wait to tell you all they discovered when they reached the other side. Yet they are torn because they know you need this time to find your own way. Its like they waited their whole lives to be connected with you like this. What I have to say is that im grateful for their knowledge. I listen, but also I need to learn, and to make my own discoveries. I love seeing them smile at me as I make my way through the early days of a lifetime of motherhood.
Next, the love all parents describe. I was most curious about this. I have a hard time believing I could love someone more than I love my Craigery. But, every parent says there is no way to understand until you have your own. Well, now that I’m on the other side, I would like to describe this feeling a little differently. It’s a need. As soon as Pickle was born, he became a primal need. Exactly like the need to eat, drink, breathe and live. I needed this child. My world would perish without him the same as if I starved from lack of food. I believe there is nothing else in the world that can become a need the way a child can. The love was not instant. The love comes from the relationship we will, and do, have between the 2 of us. That love is different from any other, but also different for each person. All relationships between 2 people are different, even between the 2 involved. It would be impossible for me to describe the relationship and love Pickle and I share, but I can agree its different.
I know you are all thinking this was all a bit deep or serious or whatever. But, I would say its powerful.
As a note, I am not describing any specific mom or yet to be. Just the general of the moms I have encountered in my life :).