What a year! This time last year, I had nothing baby on the mind at all. I was still struggling from losing my job at Film Roman the previous May. Financially, we were surviving but emotionally I had a lot of growing to do. I was nothing short of bitter and resentful. At some point I had to realize that in order to move forward, I had to accept. Very much like the steps of mourning. I had photography, at least, to make me feel productive and to bring in some extra money. I knew after our Feb Europe trip I was going to be all about finding work and improving my animation portfolio.
France, Italy… amazing. It was just what I needed to feel the creativity revived. I had a feeling everything was going to turn out alright in the end. I had to trust myself and my instincts and work hard. Traveling to other areas of the world really inspired me and made my heart sing. This was my all time dream… and even though we were struggling, we were able to find a little hope in all that beautiful white snow.
Upon returning, we decided to rent the spare room to a college student, since it was not going to be a nursery any time soon. A few weeks after, Film Roman had asked me to come back and help for about 2 months. They had been asking me off and on since they laid me off so this was common and didn’t mean full time at all. Soon, 2 months turned into a third, then a fourth. I decided it was time to address this with the producer and find out why they didn’t just hire me back. Well, luckily, they agreed! And just as soon as I had been gone, I was back again! Like I had never left! Though, something was different. I am forever changed, but in a good way. Even though I felt I could never fully trust in the animation industry again, knowing I made it was a direct result of being unemployed for exactly 1 year 1 week and I felt my pride revived.
As soon as possible, we wanted to take advantage of 2 full time incomes and $650 rent money. Craigery was very adamant and good about paying down debt as fast as possible and saving where we could. I also became focused on getting healthy. I started seeing the nutritionist, the previously mentioned Susan Dopart, and going to the gym on a regular basis. I didn’t want my PCOS to take control of me anymore. It wasn’t about getting skinny, either. It was about getting my body in balance and some weight, I figured, would come off as a direct result. I never felt so good. It was amazing to feel so accomplished even though the progress was slow. I didn’t care. This is for life… and my confidence was revived.
Once I was full time again, and we were right on track for rebuilding our savings and getting debt under control, it was time to revive the baby dream. July was my last month of birth control and I was elated. I couldn’t wait to find out what my adult body was going to be like! I started that birth control when I was 18 and never stopped until that moment. What would it be like? How would I feel? Whats going to happen? When will I get pregnant? I’m not going to answer all those questions right here right now. But you can read about it. I started this blog when I got off the birth control.
I needed one more. One more trip overseas… before I got pregnant. I had to have it. I was very grateful we were able to go in Feb on our 2 week trip to France and Italy, but I felt I would really be satisfied for a few years if I had one more out of country experience under my belt. Well, I had worked my ass off the few months previous and was able to make some freelance money on top of my regular pay. Freelance money, decided a long time ago, belonged to me! I could do whatever I pleased with it! I gave up my free time to work hard and here was my reward. So… what do you think I did?? Booked an overseas trip to London! This isn’t the blog to tell you all about the trip, but in the moment we were biking through the streets of London, my freedom and sense of adventure was revived.
It didn’t take long for the holidays to creep up starting with Halloween. I always love holiday time! The decor, the spirit, the cozy feeling you get. Ahhhh… but… something was missing. There was no baby. Though I was ready to get pregnant, I knew there was no rush. I’m only 27 and have plenty of time. My hope was to get pregnant before the end of the year, before my 6 months instructed by the Endocrinologist, but I had in the back of my mind that I could have more time if I wanted. I focused on enjoying family and friends, and how much different this year’s holidays were from last year. I marveled in how much could change in just 12 measly months and how small the time is in comparison to the grand time of life. Wondered what next year’s holidays would bring. My trust was revived.
All these things were necessary to feel complete again and it felt so wonderful to grow and transform out of what was struggle, fear, and worry. I was excited for 2011. Curious what it would bring and how much more we would grow. On December 20th, something was nagging. Curiosity. I was worried it was too early… but I took a chance. I took a pregnancy test… 3 of them, actually. All of them, 2 lines.
Enough of the seriousness and subtleties … HOLY SHIT I’M PREGNANT! … and… there is a new poll
ATTN!!! This news is NOT to be public on facebook! Only select few and random strangers know about this blog. The hubby will be VERY pissed if someone leaks our news before we do. Say all you want here, but that’s all please. Thanks!